Toxic. Friend.

Toxic environments. Toxic situations. Toxic relationships. Toxic "friends".

So much has changed over this past year & it's only now that I've really been able to sit down and think, comprehend and analyse all that has happened.

My character, my attitude my lifestyle...HECK, even my health and immune system was at its absolute lowest. & this is the girl who NEVER gets sick. 

I've lost "friends", and I've gained "friends". 
Why the inverted commas? Because I really don't know what a "friend" is right now. Is that words true meaning even valid anymore? 

Because really, I don't think real "friends" contribute to you leaving your studies, coming home way past midnight and going far out of your comfort zone doing things you never once thought you would take part in (now you're thinking all types of crazy shit, but it's not terribly bad trust me, lol).

Doing the same things you used to put people down for became..you. 
Became me.
I almost became the exact person I swore I would never be.

I truly never in my life have met people who genuinely strive off of causing issues for people. Who genuinely like causing chaos and drama around them until this year. Well, I always knew they existed, I just never thought they would be people that I would find myself associating with. 

If i had a clear mind a couple months back like I do now, I would've switched up crowds at speeds of the click of a finger but because I was so wrapped up in everything my mind became so deluded even though the answer was right in front of me.

I even told myself a dozen times "this is your calling" "leave, leave, leave!". But something would always draw me back in. 

Of course, I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to be told that the people I was mixing with weren't for me, even though it was said to about a million times by a million people. But now I wish I had. 

I came a across a quote not so long ago that said: 'Our generation loves bragging about being single, cutting people off, and not trusting anyone. Like that's an accomplishment.' 

- That must be the biggest bullshit I've heard. Ever. 

I DO think it's an accomplishment to cut people off. Why? Because it is an accomplishment to discover who is right for you and exactly who isn't.
It is an accomplishment to move forward in your life and get your shit together leaving behind all those who had partial responsibility in f*cking it up in the first place (I use the word 'partial' because the last thing I'm going to do is deny my fault in getting myself caught up in all off this). 

& If I could give myself a round of a applause for getting out of it without looking like an absolute retard, trust me I would. But to save my sanity..I won't of course. Lol. 

To anybody who feels like they are stuck. Trust me, you are not.
Now, I didn't say it was easy either. It's one of the hardest things you will do in life. But the rewards will show for the rest of your life.

Know your self worth. Know that you are better than the situation you are in and that you are better than those you got yourself involved in. 
 & always know that there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I take everything I've been through in life and will in future go though as a learning experience. I don't have regrets with anything. Everything happens for a reason and with everything you go through you come out a stronger and wiser person. 


- XOXO DOY-HOST